February has to be one of the most interesting months out of the year. After all, when else can you watch a giant rodent give a weather prediction based on how sunny it is that morning? And he doesn’t just give it to anyone, mind you. It’s only to one person, in a tux, who then shares with the world what happens to you when you don’t go to college.
Then less than two weeks later, couples young and old all go out and buy some cheap knock-off chocolate and hope that’s the ticket to them getting lucky. Why? Because we like to celebrate a holiday where a flying child with a deadly weapon goes around shooting people with arrows to “put them in the mood.” Because nothing says “hey baby” like being assaulted by a character that really should be in horror movies more than love stories.
And then the month is only half over. You still have to suffer through 2 more weeks of cold weather and heart-shaped flavored chalk-candy that may or may not have expired years ago because new or old, it will still chip your tooth and put your taste buds on strike. Luckily, at some point, someone said, “Dear God, just make it stop!” and they decided to end the month like a week before every other month for the sake of humanity.
But we, as a society, are better than this. And it’s time that we took back February and made it a month worth living by giving it some spice. For instance, instead of watching a groundhog with a better standard of living than over half the population get manhandled by someone dressed like a magician, pop some delicious Tamalitoz, and just open the weather app on your smartphone. And if you really are interested in what this person pretends to hear, get help because that can’t be healthy.
And if you show up with a box of chocolate and some almost dead flowers, sure, you might be in luck if your significant other has low standards or maybe a frontal lobotomy or something. But why take that chance with your love life? Being original and arriving with a sweet and spicy treat like Tamalitoz will show them the smooth character you truly are. With so many different flavors that all taste great, you’re sure to find one that they will love. Probably more than you. That’s life; deal with it. , This candy is really good.
So, skip the imaginary talking animals and child assassin vigilantly stuff and instead let this fantastic combination of sweet and spicy in all our different flavors save you from using all those terrible pickup lines you Googled the day prior.